That’s a wrap.

Read more! »

I don’t know why I never bothered to look this up, but fear of clowns is called Coulrophobia.

Of course, most of the theories advanced in that article are total bullshit. And by article, I mean document which is about 75% bullet points illustrating examples of coulrophobia on popular TV shows.

Yeah just go ahead and click “Read more” already.

Read more! »

Someone just emailed me a photo of this absolutely revolting Fancy Santa.

As if these magical dipshits weren’t nauseating enough, this one has decided to drape himself in the hideous team colors of the New York Mets. (But labeled the New York Yankees for some reason.)

I didn’t realize they were called “Olde World” Santas. Now I have a term to ask for when I go into Hallmark greeting card stores looking for things to vandalize.

We met MySpace a long time ago and the impression he left was indelible. His alcohol-fueled episodes were raucous, abrasive, obscene; this list of pejoratives is longer than his wild, untamed hair and more colorful than his plethora of vulgar tattoos. Somewhere painted on his person, nuns do things with skulls which would cause the religious and the undead alike to weep in each others arms. And yet, his antics were spellbinding. His allure, undeniable.

Later, at some party everyone was way too drunk to now recall, we were introduced to his cousin, Facebook. A seemingly respectable gentleman, well groomed and tailored, learned, cultured, refined. Almost aggressively self-sanitized. And it is in that aggression, the zealous maintenance of the appearance, which began to tip us off. Beneath the veneer festered psychological disorders far deeper, far more terrifying than any act produced by the superficial vulgarity of his crass cousin. This man was a psychopath, and his charismatic guile has lured several million people into his basement, where they are now trapped subsisting on bread, water, and about 50,000 shitty web applications. These are his tools of torture, and in the art of producing excruciation through a diversity of harebrained widgets, he has no peer.

Read more! »